Katie: Welcome back to the BusinessMakers Overtime Show, heard here and online at www.thebusinessmakers.com/overtime. Esther and I are here in chapter three and we want to help relieve hopefully a little bit of guilt that may be plaguing your IRL life. Ha ha, in real life. Okay, lost it. [Laughs] So, Esther, tell us about this great article that you found in the Harvard Business Journal.

Esther: Well the article is called "Ten Reasons to Stop Apologizing for Your Online Life". I think it's really telling, especially considering what we talked about in chapter one, about people hating Facebook so much, or saying that they hate Facebook. It's telling in the sense that people are in denial about how much time they spend online and how their online is so much a part of their real life life.

Katie: Quote-unquote.

Esther: Yeah, exactly.

Katie: You're missing the air quotes.

Esther: Right. I have air quotes going on over here. "People still refer to the offline world as 'real life'" this is a quote from the article, "It's only a sign of deep denial or unwarranted shame about what reality looks like in the 21st Century."

Katie: See, to me, like I am learning more and more that I mean it's just life. Like it doesn't really matter if I've met someone only as a blogger or if I'm friends with them on Twitter. Like you're always going to have different degrees of friendships and relationships, and maybe you can't truly grow and explore a very deep and meaningful relationship if you've never ever ever met, but maybe you can. You know, like-

Esther: And some people can maybe.

Katie: It's just life; you interact.

Esther: Well the truth is I find that I'm an apologist in a lot of ways. I do find that I would much prefer to talk to somebody face to face and not sort of be on the Internet, typing away at my keyboard all day and night. You know, that doesn't appeal to me at all. And I think in a lot of cases it can be a hindrance and it can be something that people hide behind.

Katie: Yeah.

Esther: I mean if there is an opportunity to meet or not to meet, wouldn't you prefer to meet? You know what I mean? If you-

Katie: It might depend.

Esther: Obviously it's a time - I'm talking about if all things are equal and it's a matter of sitting and typing at your computer or going to a party, would I rather be on a Twitter party, you know, typing away with a bunch of people on a computer, or would I rather be at an actual party? I would rather be at an actual party. But I don't think that everybody feels that way.

Katie: No.

Esther: You know, people get sucked in.

Katie: They do.

Esther: There are Internet addictions and there are things of that nature that, you know, you spend too much online and you start to feel like the online world is your reality. And I think when that starts to happen it can be dangerous.

Katie: Oh, it is.

Esther: You have to understand that both are reality, not just one or the other.

Katie: Don't be one of those Japanese gamer kids that don't drink water for eight days, you know.

Esther: Right.

Katie: Step away from the computer.

Esther: Or that marry their computers.

Katie: Exactly. Or their anime, whatever.

Esther: Right.

Katie: See, for me one of the reasons why I've been able to come to terms with the amount of time that I spend online, and of course, I mean I work for a Web company; it is my job literally to be on Facebook, to be on Twitter, to be on Flickr, and on YouTube. But even beyond that, I only have so much time that I can be social and that I can be out and about. I have a family, I do a lot of stuff outside of work, and I do appreciate the fact that I can connect with so many people on so many different topics and things, just by sitting at my desk for 30 minutes after putting my daughter to bed. Like that is amazing. So I think one of the ways that I've sort of grappled with this topic is I know that if I give myself a certain amount of space, a certain amount of time in my off hours, my non-working hours, where I'm going to accomplish these objectives or, you know, I'm going to reach out and connect with someone that there's no way, time zones or whatever, there's no way I can actually physically talk to them or call them on the phone. But then I cut myself off and I'm like, "Okay, now it's time to bake some muffins. Now it's time to water my garden. Now it's time to go say 'Hey' to my neighbor. Now it's time to not be on the Internet." Like I feel so much healthier and happier for it, and I don't feel guilty, because I'm allotting myself the time, I know what I want to accomplish, and then we're done; that's it.

Esther: Absolutely. Well, I want to tell you a couple things about what this article says. Some of the things you should acknowledge going forward so you don't have to be an apologist anymore. When you commit to being your real self online you discover parts of yourself you never dared to share offline.

Katie: Hmm. It could go good or bad.

Esther: Right. We're finding that people are more open and willing to share online and not so much in person, which is creating these multiple personalities in a way. But, you know, that's just a reality, I guess.

Katie: Yeah. And you're able to kind of expand your network so that maybe you don't have anyone else to talk about your pink fuzzy sock fetish, and now there's like a hundred people in a chat and you can totally do it.

Esther: Mm hmm. Also, when you visualize the real person you're about to e-mail or Tweet you bring human qualities of attention and empathy to your online communications. So imagine that you are talking to them in real life, IRL as they say, instead of just it being some short, sweet, unpunctuated kind of message. You know, give it a little bit of that flair you have talking to somebody face to face.

Katie: I like that. And also bring in the respect that you would if you were actually talking to somebody. So you disagree? Fine. You don't have to be a total jerk about it; just a small jerk.

Esther: Absolutely. When you embrace online conversations as real, you imbue them with the power to change how you and others think and feel. So instead of thinking of them as just kind of eh, whatever, actually think of them as real relationships and take things from them. You know, learn from them, which you and I already do, but I don't know if everybody's doing that. Well, I won't go through all of them right now, but go to the Harvard Business Review; you can easily find this article. You can Google it; it's called "Ten Reasons to Stop Apologizing for Your Online Life".

Katie: I love it. Interesting.

Esther: So let's get to the contest.

Katie: We love contests.

Esther: So we have been given the opportunity to give away a free pass to the Interactive Strategies conference. This is a pretty expensive conference to go to, and obviously they bring in some absolutely insane, insane guests, like Hugh MacLeod is the keynote speaker this year. You are probably familiar with him; he's on Twitter @gapingvoid. Very prolific, very awesome, very, very awesome. So we're excited to give away this pass and we're going to tell you how we're going to do that.

Katie: Exactly. So this isn't going to be the call me now for your free reading and be the tenth caller kind of contest. We're going to make you work for it, because that's just the kind of people we are. We really want to see your creative mind and kind of test your business savvy to win this free ticket to the Interactive Strategies conference. So I'm really stoked because we're going to be pulling out all the stops. We've got some great scavenger hunt questions for you to respond to. So you're going to find these series of questions over the course of the next week and they're going to be on our Twitter account at www.Twitter.com/overtimeshow, on our Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/overtimeshow, and you'll also find a link to a page on our Web site at www.thebusinessmakers.com/overtime. And you have to stay tuned; friend us, fan us, put us in your RSS feed, whatever it takes for you to get all these questions. It's going to take a little sleuthing, a little creative brainpower, and we're going to do a grand drawing on our next show of the person or the group of people, whoever submits all of the correct answers to all of our questions.

Esther: Yeah, we are.

Katie: So I'm really excited. Like this is going to be fun and-

Esther: Interactive.

Katie: We've had a great time coming up with these questions and can't wait to see, you know, what you come up with. We want to hear from you.

Esther: So go to Facebook and Twitter, however you connect to us best, or the Web site, right now www.facebook.com/overtimeshow, www.twitter.com/overtimeshow, and go see the first two questions.

Katie: Do it!

Esther: Go do it and go get 'em solved and then stay tuned for more questions to come; it's going to be awesome.

Katie: So we really want to see your smiling face at the Interactive Strategies conference. Both Esther and I will be there and we just can't wait to meet you and to really watch your brain grow. It's going to be an amazing event.

Esther: Yeah, we hope to see you there.

Katie: Whooo!

Esther: Well I guess that wraps up our Overtime Show for the week. What do you think?

Katie: Yes, ma'am. Yes, yes.

Esther: Very good.

Katie: We didn't even talk about Double Down sandwiches this show.

Esther: I know. This could be the first time since the sandwich came out that we didn't talk about it.

Katie: Okay. Ann, I'm not kidding, if you listened to last week's show you'll recall that I'm slightly obsessed with the Candwich. I looked for one to bring, could not find one. I'm really disappointed, so I'm putting a call out now.

Esther: If you have a Candwich or know where we can get one we will pay you in kisses.

Katie: Whoa.

John: Sign me up!

Esther: We'll pay you in flowery confetti hearts. I don't know.

Katie: We'll write a sonnet in your honor and we'll read it on the show.

Esther: How about a haiku?

Katie: Or a haiku.

Esther: I like haikus.

Katie: Okay, I'm better with sonnets. Both Esther and I will pen a bit of prose. We'll be really happy, okay?

Esther: Get us a Candwich.

Katie: I'm glad I could bring that into another show. You're welcome. You're welcome.

Esther: There we go, another show has gone by where we've mentioned the Double Down.

Katie: Darn it. By mentioning we didn't mention it, we mentioned it.

Esther: Right.

Katie: I've got to work on this.

Esther: Oh god. You've been listening to the BusinessMakers Overtime Show, heard here and online at www.thebusinessmakers.com/overtime. I am Esther Steinfeld.

Katie: And I am Katie Laird.

Esther: And we'll see you next week.

Katie: See ya.